GUEST COLUMN: The Hectors

This Valentine's Day, indie rock heart breakers The Hectors are playing at The Scene. In the following guest column, singer/guitarist Corinne Diner explains how she prepares for shows by stepping us through the intensive regime she followed to get ready for the band's previous performance.

CORINNE'S 3-DAY PRE-SHOW DIET AND TRAINING

People are always coming up to me after shows and saying "that was so awesome, you must have really prepared" or "how do you get prepared to be so awesome?" or "I didn't much care for that" and I always reply "Oh, I just show up when they tell me to, but thanks, love ya lots." Truth is, its not as easy as I pretend, and my strict diet and exercise regimen begins long before "go-time." Here are some recent excerpts from my journal:

WEDNESDAY NIGHT (72 hours to go)

Dinner: 3 chicken soft tacos from Ariza taco truck, with extra cilantro, and a large milk.

Cardio: 300 deep squats while waiting for tacos. Many admiring looks from passing hipsters (hipsters admire discipline).

Weight Training: Lifted two Jameson on the rocks, and danced (mentally) at The Echo while watching Seasons. The creepy facemasks they hang on their mic stands make me feel lightheaded (too much cilantro? not enough squats? too much John?).

THURSDAY

Breakfast: Bolivian coffee.

Cardio: Walked to get coffee from Bolivian cafe. 20 minutes standing around because they are so slow. Coffee too sweet. Why am I so desperately avoiding Starbucks? Who am I trying to impress?

Lunch: mystery meat, diet Dr. Pepper.

Dinner: Skipped dinner. Saving money for grandma's operation.

Weight Training: Threw back 2 Pacificos, and scrubbed off big black lizard handstamp while watching Marvelous Toy at The Silver Lake Lounge. Mental note: Jordan's bouncing Kramer/Dylan/Sideshow Bob hair is mesmerizing when backlit by stagelights. Mental note #2: Big Black Lizard Handstamp could be a good name for my new solo project, or for an advanced S&M maneuver, or both.

FRIDAY

Breakfast: lowfat bran flakes with lamb's milk (two bowls), tomato juice (out of Clamato).

Lunch and Dinner: Wheat Thins and plenty of 'em, tap water.

Cardio: 20 minutes standing around at practice with guitar weighing down shoulder, listening to Erik quote lines from "Family Vacation", then another 10 minutes listening to Erik talk about boobs. 10 minutes of Robert playing his guitar like it's a penis to annoy Erik. 10 minutes of me defending myself against Erik's accusations that I am a ginger. I am not a ginger, I am just fair-skinned. 5 minutes of actual practice.

Weight Training: 16 curls, 5 lunges and then 3 more lunges. Downed five Tecates at Spaceland while watching The Henry Clay People. Mental note: people seem to like covers. Play more covers. Mental note #2: now that Tom Petty is like 60, he looks more like Barbara Streisand. At 60, will Joey look like a blond Liza Minelli?

SATURDAY (Show Day)

Brunch: 10 pieces of bacon, and hot water with lemon. It's important to pork-load on morning of show.

Cardio: self-loathing.

Lunch: half a Costco-sized box of Hot Tamales.

Dinner: too fidgety to eat.

Weight Training: Downed 2 hefeweizens before show. 2 is the magic number where I'm not shy but I don't forget my guitar parts. Over-sing into the mic for first song because I can't hear anything through PA while soundguy adjusts levels. Forget the 2-beer rule, and go ahead and down the third one I've brought onstage. Forget some guitar and I feel like an ass but I don't think anyone notices. I look at Erik drumming and remember the ginger comments. I yell "Erik Greene!" as loud as I can right in his face, but only he can hear me because I'm not mic'ed. He smiles. I look over at Jim and he is smiling. I look over at Robert. He licks his pick, then sticks it upside down on his cheek like he's crying "rock tears". This is all very strenuous, but before I know it, the show is over. I guarantee that if you follow my simple diet and workout regimen, you too can have these desirable results!